Aside from labor I was most anxious about breastfeeding. I believed in the benefits of breastfeeding and wanted to be successful at it. In preparation we'd taken a class and I had a really good resource book. I knew there was nothing easy or "natural" about it. I knew it would be work, but I was ready and willing to do everything I could to make it happen. A couple hours after Noah's birth a nurse came to help me get started. My milk hadn't come in, but I knew the colustrom was enough to keep him happy and healthy.
I had a pretty restless night because of the constant nurse parade, but at least I had a bed. Jeremy was folded into some horribly uncomfortable looking chair that opened up to a "bed". Dr. Hank came by to check on me early in the morning. Unfortunately, he told me that he wasn't going to be around today since it was his day off, but the on-call doctor was great and he said I'd be fine. He promised to check on me later that night and again the next morning. Shortly thereafter the delivering doctor came by. She was a friendly tiny Indian woman and I liked her immediately. However, she had bad news. I had not progressed through the night and I was still only dilated at about 2cm. She recommended Pitocin to kickstart the contractions and optimistically proclaimed that we'd have a baby by 11am. In my excitement, I agreed because I was ready to meet the little guy! Every hour after that a nurse came by to check to see where I was dilated and each time they increased the dosage of Pitocin. 11am came and went.
At some point a nurse checked on me and discovered meconium in the sheets which meant the baby had pooped inside of me. I knew from my birthing class that it wasn't a good thing and meant the baby was stressed. I was already running a fever and this bit of bad news meant that there was now a fear of infection. My cart of liquid baggies was getting top heavy. I had my IV and Pitocin, sugar water for my low blood sugar, and now they added antibiotics for me and antibiotics for the baby.
At 3pm the Doctor said that I was not dilating and the Pitocin wasn't working. She summarized that I had: vomited, had a fever, and now with the meconium we needed to watch for infection. She warned if I was not dilated to at least 4cm in one hour we would need to do a c-section. It was not the news I wanted to hear and I cried.
At 4pm I was still no closer to 4cm. The doctor said it was time and we needed to get the baby out now. Once it was decided there was a swirl of activity. Family was rushed out, Jeremy was given scrubs, I was shaved, given some foul tasting liquid to neutralize my stomach which made me vomit (again) and then just as suddenly as it had started all of the activity stopped. We had gotten bumped by a higher priority emergency c-section. Waiting was hard because I wanted it over and I felt ill-prepared about the specifics of what was going to happen to my body. In my mind I was not going to have a c-section so I had simply skipped over anything related to c-sections in my books and averted my eyes when it was time to watch the video in class. But so far nothing had gone as I had prepared so I figured it was just as well that I hadn't read much about c-sections.
Finally they came to get us. The room I was wheeled into was huge and very white and very bright and very sterile. Jeremy waited in a hallway while I was prepped. After awkwardly being moved from the guerny to a narrow operating table my arms were spread out on a thin rail like I was crucified. Administering the anesthesia took forever because apparently they need to be extremely cautious after an epidural. After each minor adjustment to the dosage I was pricked, prodded and sprayed with air to determine just how much I could feel. It took forever. I was tired and became confused about what I could and couldn't feel. In hindsight I don't believe that I was actually as anesthecised as I should have been. As a reaction to the anesthesia that I did get I began to shake uncontrollably as if I was cold. My teeth chattered and then I vomited. Once the blue 'curtain" was hung separating my view of my lower half Jeremy was brought in and positioned on a stool by my head on my left side. When they began I felt a lot of movement, hard tugging and tremendous pressure. It was incredibly uncomfortable and I was in pain. I actually thought that I might die. Really. And then I heard a cry, the doctor said, "it's a boy" and this tiny red, screaming thing was brought to us. I couldn't believe that our baby was finally here.
Jeremy and I had previously agreed that if we had a c-section he would not leave the baby's side. Since I wouldn't be allowed immediate skin on skin contact following birth we wanted the baby to at least be comforted by his Daddy's presence. Jeremy joined the nurse to help clean him up while I stared at the ceiling and listened. I cried because I felt so far away even though they were just in the corner of the room. And then the pain I had previously endured became incomparable. I have no idea what the Doctor was actually doing but it felt as though someone was sitting on my stomach and bouncing up and down. With each push I let out a loud grunt. My whole body lifted up. It seemed to take forever and my shakes had gotten progressively worse. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. (I didn't know it until later but I was hemorrhaging.) Finally, I was moved to a bed and wheeled into a "recovery room". I had to wait there for several hours before I could be settled into my own room. Jeremy came back shortly thereafter with our baby and while I was happy to see them I couldn't really express it because of the amount of pain I was in. I was given Morphine which I could self regulate. Every 6 minutes I pushed the button and waited another 6 minutes so I could push it again. My Mom, Brother, Tobey and Shannon all took turns coming in to say hi. I barely remember any of it because I was so blinded by the pain. I was also intensely thirsty but not allowed anything until I got to my room. I couldn't wait to get to my private room. And while I couldn't really interact with family and friends I just laid there, pushing my little button, and watching my husband as he held his new baby son. He was so full of love and so happy.
After the ultrasound Shannon and I came home where I spent the afternoon lounging on the couch. Jeremy had plans to go to a show in San Francisco with Kenny so Shannon and I decided to indulge in a carb loading spaghetti dinner in anticipation of labor (positive thinking). While Shan was making dinner I became aware that my pants were wet. I thought, "oh great, another side affect of the pregnancy--I have lost all bladder control!" For the next couple of hours I changed my pants often. After dinner and about 40 minutes into our movie I decided I needed to consult with "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I had a feeling that I really shouldn't be changing my pants this often and I wanted a good description of what the whole water breaking thing felt like. After reading that the water doesn't always break in a "swoosh" and can sometimes just trickle out I thought I better call the doctor. The on-call doctor said it sounded like my water had broke/was leaking and advised me to come into the hospital to get checked out. After I hung up the phone and told Shannon we had to go to the hospital she went into panic mode while I called Jeremy. He and Kenny hadn't even made it to the show yet so they were going to leave the city right away and meet us at the hospital. Next I called Gary and Tobey who had the farthest to travel and then my Mom and Brother. I figured this was the real deal so I better make sure I had my hospital bag and all the cameras packed too. While I was calmly going through my list to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything Shannon was following me around repeatedly asking questions like, "Can I take your bag?" and "Who do we need to call?". Each time I would answer, "No, I'm still gathering my toiletries" or "Nobody. I've called everyone." Then a few seconds would pass and she would ask the same questions again. She paced frantically and looked nervous. I knew I was moving slow, but I also knew we had time. When we walked out to the car I was surprised to find that it was running. It wasn't like the car needed to be warmed up and I didn't really see it as a time saving move so it struck me as very funny. As I got in the car I leaned over to close the door and swoosh, a big flow of water came out and wet my pants. My first instinct was to run back to the house and change. Shannon wasn't having it so she began to back the car out of the driveway. I was wearing heavy cotton sweat pants and i didn't know if I'd be stuck wearing them for a long time so I pleaded for her to stop the car so I could change. I knew a fresh pair would make me feel better and I promised to be fast. She refused and kept backing up so in a desperate move I flung open the door which scared her to death. However, the new dry pants did make me happy. The drive to the hospital was a little sketchy. Shannon was tense, overly cautious and seemed oblivious to the general rules of the road. I was relieved when we pulled into the parking lot, but fearful that she would be unable to park without taking out some innocent bystanders. As I eagerly stepped out of the car there was a sudden swoosh as though someone threw a bucket of water at my legs. I was completely shell-shocked as Jeremy and Kenny approached us. Undeniably, unquestionably my water had broke. As Jeremy and Shannon escorted me into the hospital the guard only had to take one look at me before uttering, "4th floor." So much for my new dry pants. Unfortunately, before we could officially check in they needed to make sure that my water had indeed broken. Given my current status it seemed like a silly formality but we had to follow procedure. I was given an ugly gown and some goofy slippers and hooked up to a baby monitor in a holding area. It was no surprise to find that my water did break and I was definitely in labor. Contractions came out of nowhere and they sucked. After about an hour I was taken to my private delivery room where I began to go into hard and fast labor. I was shocked by the contractions and their unrelenting intensity. They were coming so close together that I had absolutely no time for recovery. I started to feel a little betrayed by my child birthing class and all my stupid books. Where was my opportunity to get my bearings? to breathe? to walk? to bounce? to stretch? to just get on top of the pain? It was continuous. It seemed as though I would be having this baby soon and we began to wonder if I was going to make it midnight and his official due date.Tobey managed to catch the last plane out of Orange County and miraculously was the first to arrive. My Mom and Brother arrived shortly thereafter. Since I was only allowed four people in the labor room Mark sat in the waiting room. The pain was debilitating and began to make me feel nauseous. I went to the restroom a couple of times thinking I was going to throw up. Eventually as I sat back in bed I began to throw up uncontrollably. I remember thinking, "oh great, there goes my dinner and all my carb loading energy." After that I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything except ice chips so I began to feel weak and exhausted. I was tired and the one substantial meal that I'd had that day was now purged from my system. I worried that if I didn't get a break or a nap or something I wouldn't have the stamina to go on much longer. It was shortly after 1am that I found out that I was only dilated at 2cm. The news was crushing because I already felt too weak to carry on. It was at that point that I told Jeremy that I needed the epidural. It wasn't what either of us imagined, but I was exhausted and needed a break and it was obvious that the contractions were not going to space themselves out. Once I said "go" the epidural happened fast. It was uncomfortable, but not horrible. Jeremy said he could literally see the wave of relief wash over my face as soon as it hit me. While I could still feel the contractions they were mild. I was so tired and I knew that I could finally sleep if given the chance so we sent the family home to rest. Although anti-climatic given the speed and intensity of the contractions and our earlier concerns about making it to midnight, rest was the best thing for everyone.
